Blackgirl

No longer will I observe from the world's sideline but I will partake of its bread for there is motion all around me but I remain the constant afraid of eating of the main but biting and nibbling of the crust and crumbs the wind blows my way Afraid of stepping beyond the threshold Unsure if I'll ever find home Shackles of people's words bind me fear sealing my mouth no walking, no moving, no talking just watch Earth beckons to me come have a bite she says I move forward but step back in fear the chains are too tight arms and  feet bound Free me, I scream no one replies for they do not hold the key but me then I discovered the binds are but mine to remove One step at a time I'm freeing myself I take a chunk of earth's cake amazingly, I'm transformed still me, better, brighter free, full I choose to live this life now this new universe hand in hand with earth my new friend

A lot of people say negatives against the internet and start going on about how the internet has ruined this generation. However the one thing I've gotten from the internet is knowledge, lots of it, good knowledge "bad knowledge" anyway no knowledge is useless. I've learnt a lot in the past year than the rest of my life combined. It has really opened my eyes to see  a lot of things in a whole new light. It has given me views and corrected my notion about a lot of things. It's given me the opportunity to be able to follow and see the lives and learn from a number of amazing people. Even though i'm always in the shadows and  haven't warmed up to the idea of being open yt, I'm happy there are a lot of people constantly saying the things i'm too afraid to say on social media and reinforcing the words,thought,fears and ideas  I was made to believe were not valid. What I'm most grateful for is the fact that it has raised my black consciousness. It ...

I wrote this piece during a period when I was not loving me, when I didn't feel beautiful. Then   I looked at my body and the words began to flow. Loving myself My body, my stretchmarks My hair, my broad nose, my thick mass of hair Full enchanting lips I love the way I speak I'm accepting all of me My body is without flaw, everything is perfect Scars make me beautiful, gives me my identity I am who I am I live I love I laugh in this body I rejoice I live I cry but I tread on  Everything beautiful is who I am I embrace my state of being I look in the mirror and see heaven Magnificent being Made from the darkest of coals Sweetest of honey I reflect sweetness and fierceness With this body I am changing the narratives I am redefining the word "BLACK" I am moving it to a state of divinity The state of being heavenly, extraterrestrial I am beyond acceptance, I am in love ...

Actress Diana Yekini of Jenifa's Diary(Gene Give-me) said since she came to Nigeria she has been more aware of her skin colour and she was once advised by people in the industry to bleach her. It is worth noting that she has lived in the UK where there are people of many races and obviously a lot of white people which should make you aware of your dark skin, but surprisingly that the one place where basically everybody is black is where dark skinned people are being discriminated against. Like a nation of blacks where some are regraded as too black, what an irony. You might say "discrimination" is over reaching but when as a dark skinned person, every single second comments are being made against your color,not so subtle and sometimes overt prejudice in your face then it should be regarded as discrimination.  Do we want to talk about movies, billboards, music videos where light-skinned actresses, models and vixens are poster children for beauty. OR where a lot of peopl...

Finally I can exhale, thoughts of  more than 24 hours of observing unadulterated misogyny from both Man and Woman. It took all I had not to scream but I put all that  negative energy into writing. Also inspired by James Baldwin's I am not your negro. I am not your baby maker I am not just your sex mate I am not here just to take care of you  I was not made as your servant I was not made to kneel at your feet I am made from the same bones as you I breathe the same air you do I too have dreams You are not more superior to me Yet you treat me like a slave You oppress me, But I know you are afraid of me. You fear how much more there is to me Afraid of my potential Afraid of my freedom Your fear of me pushes you to act out and try to subdue me You know how much greater I can be  You insecure little boy You are afraid of not having your ego greased But man I say,  Shackles bind me no longer I am woman, I wi...

Something about me is that i'm very critical of my self, I tend to over analyse everything and judge my motives for doing things. Sometimes when I do someone a  favour or i'm being nice to a person, I try to examine myself to know if i'm being nice because I want something in return or gratitude or just pure selflessness. This attribute can be a blessing and a curse, bad in the sense that in everything I perceive to have  done or said wrong I always beat my self up even if sometimes i'm not in the wrong , so before people have the opportunity to criticize me in that instance, I have done that a million times. It also makes me overthink and worry about things other people might consider minute This self flagellation also helps me keeps my motivation right, eradicates negative impulses and behavior and helps me think things through to the outcomes of whatever choice i'm about to make so that i don't regret them later on. Being self aware is so freeing at times y...

My love where art thou thoughts of you, keep me awake images of memories to be shared fill my head our minds intertwined with thoughts of each other eons and eons spent talking to one another professing affections shared sleeping and waking to the sound of each other's voice Days and months pass, no longer do we smile  nothing more to see old flames now quenched, We just stare, nothing more to share feelings long gone,affections  no more every passing conversation now ends in nothingness nothing more to be said, nothing more to behold Maybe we never once loved maybe we only had a spark which never did become fire now its dark, hands outstretched but never touching the flames now quenched, time to go find home  My love, be safe

 I remember going through a devotional a while back with the topic 2am Friends, who are generally  just friends that you talk to or call at dire times and situations in your life. I think it's really important as individuals to have friends that are always there for you,that you call at 2am in the morning saying 'I really need someone to talk to' OR 'I really need your help' in times of trouble  when you might just want to talk, vent to or even just pray with and also to share good news with and know that they'll will be genuinely happy for you. These types of friends can constantly be honest with you and tell you straight facts without bias even when you might not be willing to listen. They call you out on your shortcomings, but mind you their purpose of advising is not to belittle or constantly nag but because they're genuinely concerned about you,your welfare and progress. These kinds of friends are genuinely happy when things go well for you and are d...

This was inspired by what I go through almost everyday as a female, walking through crowded spaces, street corners and even on the broad street to school ,where men feel like your body is public property.  I walk past as I usually do And as usual, you stretch out your hands towards my bosom I try to swipe your hands off But again, you reach out your grease filled phalanges Towards my waist Today is not every other day I have taken too much of this Don't you dare touch me You disgusting creature Today unlike every other day Blood will flow And bones will be broken Keep your hands to your self groping monster For  my body is not your property It is mine alone

On this journey of self-discovery, I've found out a whole bunch of things and met a whole lot of people. Most times i'm confused, not knowing if i'm making the right or wrong choices, taking decisions all on my own is scary but I know at the end of the day I learn from it, both good and bad lessons. Trying to be me is difficult because a lot of people have opinions on who you should be or what to do but I've found that I'm truly the only one who knows what's best for me, what the limit is and what is good for me. This journey can get lonely but its worth it, I'm in my hiding place, my desert as Rev. Ocran puts it, but I'm working on me. Finding yourself is something personal, deep and scary but that's what makes it worth it , because at the end you find yourself, you know yourself, you embrace yourself in your wholeness and entirety. Sometimes I'm lazy and procrastinate but I'll get it surely. Sometimes it feels too much to handle but that...